I will never let you down.

YOU. ARE. NOT. LEAVING. ME.
No matter how many times you may use that thing called altruism, you are not going anywhere. You are staying in my life because I need you. It doesn't even have to be like how we wanted it. I need you. As my friend. It doesn't have to be in a situation where its awkward when we converse. I told you that wouldn't happen. If you went inside my head, you'd know.

"You're a fool!"
"I am...but do you love me?"

From Sunday, to Tuesday afternoon of this week, were really some of the best days I've had in my life. From Tuesday night, until who knows when, are some of the worst days I've had in my life. I really don't understand how things could change so quickly. There's many things I don't understand, because this world doesn't make sense. For example, the english language. There's all these little rules that you might use on one or two words. The only thing that really make sense right now are babies. Babies are born for the cause of human reproduction. So life can continue. Everyone was once a baby. Even me. Even the most wisest person in the world. Its just common knowledge. Babies make the most sense, for me.

I hate how the past two days mock me. On the way to school yesterday, it was raining, and I felt as if my mouth was sewn shut. I was wishing for the sun, but the rain just kept coming down. As ironic as it sounds, the next few street names that I pass by everyday, that I just have seen now, were all relating to happiness and warmth. "Summer heights" was the one that bugged me most.
Today, I kept waking up to the sound of rain hitting the sidewalk really hard. It just kept pouring and pouring. Yet again today, I can't speak. Its as if some lifeless form took over me. There's no purpose to be happy right now.

Yes, its Thanksgiving. I thank God every night for the things I'm thankful for, and I'll do it again tonight. There really isn't a change. The only thing different about today is that I'm having more American food for dinner tonight. I won't watch football, and I won't dress in brown. Nothing's different.

What a wonderful addition to my day. I just found out that Phantom Planet it on hiatus as a band. I loved them now more than ever, and was planning to see them one more time before the year ended. But, they've been together for fifteen years. Darren said they needed a break. My Alex is twenty-nine years old. I didn't know that. My Alex. My Alex that I plan to play guitar hero with and drink orange juice with. Darn. This totally tops off today.

The truth is. After yesterday, rain is now one of my enemies. From now on, it'll symbolize Tuesday night. That night-marish reality. Next time you speak to me, I'll be lifeless.

~Jem