I swear, I am bipolar. Just a few seconds ago, I was happy and doing fine. Now, I'm nostalgic and feeling bad about what I've done. The reason for so many attitude changes are so unexplainable. The words are there in my head, they just can't seem to find their way out of my mouth. So next time my eyes pool up, or I'm lost for words, I honestly can't tell you why.
Maybe I'm lying to you. Maybe I'm just hiding this big secret from everyone and I keep writing about it because its eating up my insides and telling my conscious to spill it to the world. Who knows. Maybe I'm just insane, and suffering from my disorders.
You know what, maybe this world is a lie. Maybe reality is all fantasy, and fantasy is all reality. Maybe cars, and airplanes are all fake. Then dragons, and castles and wizards would all be real. You're all living in a fake world anyway, why not make more assumptions about things you don't even know about. Because I know for sure, that we do it all the time. We judge things so quickly, because we don't know how to take the time and actually look at things. No one WANTS to take the time to actually look at things and think about how they work. I do, sometimes. I get lost in my own thoughts. I wonder how people get the materials so big so airplanes can fly. I wonder about the anatomy of leaves I wonder about the smallest things that probably nobody even notices in a day. I like to try and analyze human behavior, so I know how to help people when they ask for it. I swear, I'm not meant to be in this generation. This violent, materialistic, careless, rude, period of time. This isn't even a period! Nor an era! This is... STUPID. Everyone's stupid for not caring.
Yes, there are some inspirational people out there. Like Jaime, one of the founders for To Write Love On Her Arms. Like the people working together at PETA. All these non-profit organizations. You know what, even those real musicians out there. Not those fake sell-outs who just wanted to be on the cover of AP. Those real people trying to share their music, because they feel that people will like it. But again, this comes back to the judging thing. If people go to concerts for one band, they will most likely not pay attention to the opening bands. I remember my first concert, Evanescence. The only opening band I remember was Default, and I got one of their guitar picks. No one really knew who they were, everyone was just waiting for Ben Moody and Amy Lee. Where have all the good people gone? Oh, that's right. They can't be anywhere because they're not recognized for their talent. The people here now only want fame and money. Sure, that sounds great, but what about the people who actually want music?
I'M ANGRY, CAN YOU TELL? I hate this about myself. I have all these opinions that just come out of nowhere, and then in the next hour I'm just like "oh, let's have some tea and chocolate! :D" Its disgusting. I hate my behavior. I hate that my friends have to experience it, and I hate that my teachers have to deal with it.
Rrrrrrrrrr, everything that I've already repressed today is coming back up like thought vomit. Its really pissing me off, and I have no other way to let out my steam then to write it down. So whatever, if you're reading this, I hope this doesn't give you a bad message. I just have too much to say to some people, but I can't or it would derail my life.
I think I should go read now.
~Jem
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