I don't understand. I really don't.

I want this to really be forever.

But I don't want to be fighting all the time.

I really do love you. Don't ever forget that.

08-09 School year.

As of today, there's only 6 & 1/2 days of school left. [technically 5 full days and 3 half days but w/e :P]

Looking back, there's so many things that have happened this year. Even though it wasn't my best year in middle school, it was memorable.

Of course, there's things I learned that helped me get to who I am today. There's a big difference between the Jem in August and the Jem in May.

The first thing I learned is that I really don't have to care what other people think. Alot of the time last year, I always had to watch what I said, how I acted around people, and who I hung out with. Just because I didn't want to be seen as some kind of noob. But this year, I hung out with WHOEVER, said WHATEVER, and acted as MYSELF. I even made alot of new friends, and lost some along the way. My self esteem has grown because of this. I am friendly, and jovial. Its a good thing. Soon, I'll grow to be confident about myself, and stop being jealous about looks. -.-

Another thing I learned is that I'm able to stay in a relationship longer than I thought. My last relationship lasted for three months. The relationship I'm in now just got marked as eight months. Back in September, I really thought I couldn't handle it at first. Even though I wanted it so bad, I assumed that it would just flake. But look at things now. We have four more months until a year, and that's pretty strong if you ask me. I'm proud of myself, and I know that this will continue forever. :]

There's supposed to be some kind of barrier between friends and exes. There were some quarrels during the first few months of the 'couple period.' In my mind it will always be the originals. But after a while, everyone started dating each other. It was really weird to see someone holding hands with another person, when two weeks ago, they were 'just friends.' Yeah, I could notice it, by why did it have to be so soon? I guess people nowadays just feel that they HAVE to be dating someone; whether they really like them or not.
With me, its different. You wouldn't understand unless you were in my shoes...

Listen to your heart. It really works. I know it sounds like another cheesy-ego booster-fortune cookie type of thing, but I'm dead serious. I had to make decisions in the past nine months that could have affected the rest of my life. My conscience told me the right thing to do for all those situations, and look at the outcome. I'm completely happy with everything. ♥

Real friends are forever. The laughs, the fights, the concerts, the sleepovers, the crushes, and the jockers. The clothing and the homework, the phone calls and the bracelets. Soo much fun. Its these type of people that you know you're going to stay in contact with because of the times you've had. Pretty straightforward.

Christian Jacob, Alexis Taylor, Taime Elizabeth, Christopher James, Jannellynn Caday- You've made my year amazing. Thank you. :]<3

Blast from the Past

FRIDAY, MAY 15TH, 2008
-Field trip was fun. Hung out with Briana, Kahlia, Katrina & Tiana.
-Slideshow was a freaking success. :D I cried after it though. Not because of the pictures, but because Tatiana was crying [she's moving] and because it finally hit me that we're all going to different schools. :[
-After school was an ADVENTURE! I love Alexis, Taime and Kahlia. So many inside jokes were created. We gotta jump the sun! xD
-DANCE DANCE. Oh holla holla. [pronounced hah-la, hah-la] So much fun. No words for it. You just had to be there. ;]
-China A Go-Go! It was fun for the first 20 minutes or so, until these effing immature kids crashed the party. You fckers owe me money.
-Alexis's house was great. I was slaphappy in the pool, and we all passed out with wet hair and in our jammies. :] More inside jokes were invented. He's an outdoor cook! You should neeevverr seeee his eeeyyyeees. xDDD

STORY!
Its just something I thought of on the bus. Its not about me.

"Why," he stated. "Why should I have to say anything to her?"

These words I heard from someone else. Not him.

"Why?! Is that what he's asking? How about I ask something? Why does he have to behave like a child? Its not like I'm trying to intentionally hurt him. Why does he hold in his feelings? Why does he have to question my apologies?!" I yelled.

My friend just looked down. Too afraid to look at me. I knew after I shouted, I felt bad for saying it. For putting others in a state of confusion.

That night, I didn't even bother to say goodnight. To anyone. I went straight to bed.

**********

"What did I do?" I cried. Warm, wet tears were streaming down my cheeks. "You know well, I don't deserve this. From you, of all people."

He sighed. "Listen. I've tried to forget. Forget the past. I'm trying to start over. Its just every time I see your face..." He trailed off.

I choked down a sob.

"Every time I look at you, everything comes back."

**********

I woke up with a sheen of sweat on my face. I looked at the time, and realized it wasn't real. None of it was.

Well it just goes to show, things are not what they seem. Please, sister morphine, turn my nightmares into dreams

Last Call On The Dance Floor, Baby Let's Roll Into The Stars Tonight!<3

I wanna see the sunriseee. :D
Preferably one like this. (: -->

So, all day today, I've been singing TRT, and M.I.A. Haha, its kinda weird that they both have three letters in their name. :]

I know I'm mean. Its in my blood. Example, whenever someone just likes a band for ONE of their popular songs, I get all mad. Like "Oh, that band has better songs than that!" But really, I do stuff like that too.

I had an epiphany two weekends ago, and I'm gonna stop trying to be mean like that. I know it was my new year's resolution, but so far its not really working out. So, starting recently, I've been nicer to people. :D

Today, after school, there were these three old dudes in the grass fields handing out MINI ORANGE BIBLES. They are so cool. They were like "You can have one, if you're going to use it." And when I got in the car and told my sister, she said "If you read an excerpt from this everyday, I'll be happy."
She said that she's religious because when she reads the bible, she can connect with what people wrote thousands of years ago. I think that's cool. :]

Right now, I'm listening to Love It Or Leave It. Its the first time I've listened to them. I'm listening to the song called "You, Me, and this Christmas tree." I don't know why I've been singing Christmas-related songs this week. That's besides the point; Its a cute little song. :D

[I'm pretty much just rambling right now, so deal with it. :D]

Instead of using Google, you should use this website called Blackle. Its exactly like google, except that the site is black instead of white. Using a black screen saves energy, because using a white screen uses alot of energy. So yeah, go green, yo. (Or in this case...Black. xD I love you, Taime! :D)

Closure:
-CJM, TEG, GEC. They all make me happy. ;]
-I'm hungry........................FOR NEW MUSIC! :D
-My children will know The Beatles better than any other band.
-The last days of this school year will be KILLER! :DDDDDDDD

Fare Thee Well,
~Jem

Missing In Action!

WELL HELLO THERE!♥

As the title clearly says, I have been missing in action. [from blogspot.] So many events have taken place! I'll just have to tell you them all. ;]

TRT SHOWS!♥

So, on April 18th, and on May 1st, I went to two concerts that This Romantic Tragedy performed at. This Romantic Tragedy is a local band here in Las Vegas that are getting more and more popular with each day. :D There's six band members- Jay Cammilleri on vocals[singing&screamo], Kyle Huender on guitar, Gabe Centeno on keyboard/vocals[mostly screamo], David Diaz on vocals/guitar[singing], Carlin Leavitt on bass, and Mark Neuhardt on drums.

The April 18th one was FREE at galleria mall. I know it was a while ago, but it was still a fun day. I just started listening to TRT, and their genre is screamo/electronica. I like ittt. :D I loved their music when I heard this show, so I listened to them more often.
During the day, Taime, Jannellynn & I went crazy trying to find Gabe, so we can take a picture with him. Taime & I made him bracelets. By the time we found him, THE BRACELETS DIDN'T FIT! D: So he didn't put them on. x[ But we finally got our picture with him. :D
Meanwhile, Taime & I had our "post-concert-obsession." Its this fettish we have. After a concert, we get obsessed with the band we saw. :]

Jannellynn, Gabe, Taime, Me, and Seejay. :D
Taime's short. xD

The May 1st one was super duper fun. I got pictures with all the band members, and even got Gabe's phone number. ;D But I'm not allowed to give it out. He made me pinky swear. :3 We were front row [duh] and I had a really good time. I was jumping and singing along this time. So booyahh. :D Taime & I had made bigger bracelets since the April 18th concert, and we wore them up until May 1st. We found Gabe outside, and we were like "WE MADE YOU BIGGER BRACELETS!!" and he was like "YESS!" And he put them on, and they fit! PERFECTLY! :DDD

[I look gross in the pictures, so ignore the ugliness ;D]

Me, Jay, Taime, and Erica.
Erica covered my face! Dx

Me, Gabe, and Taime.
He wanted us to be BR00T4L. :D

Taime, David, Me, and Erica.
David wasn't ready. xD

Me, Mark, and Taime.
This is a good one. :D

Me, Kyle, and Taime.
Kyle looks pretty high. xD

Me, Carlin and Taime.
Kinda blurry. x]

KNOTTS BERRY FARM TRIP! :D

On May 2nd, my publications class, dance, and step team took a longgg drive to California to go to Knotts Berry Farm! The bus ride was weird...Jannellynn and I sat way up front, so we were right by Ms.Qustandi and her boyfriend[James] while everyone was socializing and having fun towards the back of the bus. I slept most of the way there...[Considering I was having fun at a TRT concert, and staying up til 1:30am because Seejay didn't get picked up from my house until then... ;D]

For breakfast, we stopped in Barstow at McDonalds. Eeew. It was pretty cool though, because there were trains you could play in by the front. :D Jannellynn & I ate hash browns & apple dippers. ;] You have to admit, apples and caramel are pretty dang good. [do you say car-mal or care-ah-mel? :D]

Finally, after a bajillion hours, we arrived to Knotts! It was my first time there, but I was too chicken to go on any of the scaryy rides. The only intense one was this thingy where you sit on it, and your feet hang down, and it flips the chairs over and over in the air. It hurt me and Jannellynn's crotch. x[ The first couple hours at Knotts, Jannellynn & I hung out with Kris and Nick. Then, Katherine, and Jessica joined. After that, Monica and Tjay joined us. After that, Mariel, Violet and Daniella came. Then Victoria and Sarah. Then Taylor, Chelsea and Cindy. The whole publications class was together. :D

I think one of our favorite rides was the water ride. Not the almost-90-degree-angle one, the one where you sit in a circular boat, and it takes you down a river flowin thing. I went on it like a billion times. Before the day was out, the whole class went on two boats. The boat Jannellynn & I were on was considered 'The Party Boat' because we were really crazy and hyper and everyone wanted to ride with us. xD On our boat was Jannellynn, Sarah, Monica, Tjay, Mariel, and me.
Mariel was so funny! She was screaming at the top of her lungs for the whole ride! &We didn't even get wet that much! I almost pissed my effing pants, because she was being so silly! xDD

We had like three funnel cakes! They're so yummy & addicting! xD
Jannellynn & I got matching brass knuckles necklaces. ;D Nick spent forever trying to find a token machine because he wanted to play an Initial D game in the arcade. He didn't even beat it. He got super mad afterwards. xD

Ahhh, so much happened that day but I can't really remember. x]

The bus ride home was pretty weird. Jannellynn's parents were in California at the time, so Jannellynn just stayed with them. Mariel sat with me at first on the bus, then she invited me to sit with her, Violet, and Daniella.
[It was cute because Violet was texting Beau, and Seejay was with Beau, who was telling Violet to tell me that Seejay misses & loves me. x3]
I didn't bring any pillows or blankets, and everyone looked so cozy just snoozing with their giant body pillows, and fleece blankets. So, on the way home, I slept in fetal position just listening to TRT, with my hood on my head. [not to mention my jacket was still wet from that water ride.]

Finally arriving back in Vegas, I was so relived. I stepped off the bus, and the warm Vegas weather just made me happy. It was a long day, and I was happy to chat with my sister for the car ride home. Unfortunately, I was expecting a warm welcome when I got home from my mom and nephew. [sister was going out] But I walked in, and the house was uber quiet. I checked the bedrooms, and they were both SLEEPING! So I felt lonely, and called Seejay. x]

Knotts Berry Farm Pictures! :D
Mariel & I had an interesting moment. :o
xD

Tjay & I chillin like a villian w/ Ronald McDonald. :D

Jannellynn & I by teh waterfall. :D

Insidee! :D
L-R: Nick, Katherine, Taylor, Monica, Tjay, Jannellynn.

Insidee. :D
L-R: Monica, Jannellynn, Me, Nick.

Waiting in line for the water ride. :D
Me & Mariel. I look retarded. xD

Bizarre-ness ;D

MORE PICTURES! :D
These are just pictures from May 3rd. :]
Fun day. :D

Taime & Me!♥

Me and my twin Jason!
Do we look alike? x]

Me trying to be taller than Kevin.

One of the best pictures ever!
one tiny thing though xP

That's all I have for now. I guarantee you that I'll be blogging some more. Ta-ta! :D