Loving life, every single day.

I never want this to stop. I'm so happy right now; nothing can bring me down. Perfect never had a meaning until now. (: <3

I think I'm gonna try and have a weekly soundtrack. xD I know it sounds kinda weird, but my iPod is right next to me lately. I'm attached to it. :D This week's soundtrack was happy/slow/acoustic songs. If you haven't listened to them, I suggest you should. There could be alot of songs, or just a few. Whichever the case, music is my life. :D

1.) So Contagious- Acceptance
2.) While My Guitar Gently Weeps [Acoustic Version] -The Beatles
3.) Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head- B.J Thomas
4.) Sing- The Dresden Dolls
5.) Its Just Me- Escape The Fate
6.) Such Great Heights- Iron & Wine
7.) Anyone Else But You- Micheal Cera & Ellen Page [Originally the Moldy Peaches or somethin]
8.) Shine- The Morning Of
9.) This Is For Real- Motion City Soundtrack
10.) Come What May- Moulin Rouge! Soundtrack, Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman
11.) Supermassive Black Hole- Muse
12.) For You- Nickasaur!
13.) Painter Song- Norah Jones
14.) She Had The World- Panic At The Disco
15.) Something is Wrong- Phantom Planet
16.) Crazy Little Thing Called Love- Queen
17.) Dejalo- Rilo Kiley
18.) A Walk Through Hell- Say Anything
19.) I'll Be There- The Rembrandts
20.) Beyond the Sea- Robbie Williams
21.) Everything- Micheal Buble
22.) You're Still You- Josh Groban
23.) More Than Words- Sungha Jung [look for this on Youtube]

Aaaand I think that's it. xD Josh Groban's been there since I was 6 years old, yo. :D

There's just some things out there that make me smile all the time. Babies, pictures, poems.. the list could go on. Its my goal to find happiness in the little things in life. I want to travel the world and capture everything. I want to keep it in my memory so I won't have any reason to be unhappy. Life is so content right now. Thank you to everyone that has made it that way. (':

I'm indecisive, but I'm certain about one thing. CJM will always be in my life along with ATM. Forever. :D♥

Better, harder, faster, stronger.

Let me just get away with this: I didn't name this blog after Kanye West. & texting makes me thirsty. I have a problem. Seriously. xP

ANYWAY! I have been feeling much much better since my last update. I have so much to tell you! All in good fun! :D

-Rec Center! For the past five days, I have been going to the rec center non-stop. The main people that are there are Me, Seejay, Danny, Erica, Cheyenne, and Andrew. The couples, of course. xD . On Wednesday of last week, everyone was there at the rec because of the half days. Daniel was there! And he told me that if you sit on cold concrete, your butt gets bigger. (: On Thursday of last week, we went to Danny's house [because we had to wait for his special UPS box], and it was pretty. fun. even though I got in trouble afterwards. d: We just hung out in Danny's room while Seejay played on the PS3. xD Such a gamer. On Friday of last week, we just sat around doing nothing. (x On Tuesday of this week, it was the couples again. And we did the same thing as always. d: Then on Wednesday, [yesterday] Jannellynn came with us! And Daniel was there! :D I barely talked to him though. Someone stole Seejay's skateboard! It was some little 6th grader, and the guys ran everywhere to look for it while Erica and I were like "No. We're not running around ALLL over the place." But I still feel really bad that someone stole Seejay's skateboard. Dx Mm, my point is that I love my friends. They make me happy. :D
Danny: You're a freaking gay guy! You have red shoes! xD
*
Seejay: You're funny Danny. You should be on Everybody Loves Raymond, except..Everybody Loves Danny. :D

-Books! So I went to Barnes & Noble the other day, and got Diary, Lullaby, and The Alchemist. I'm reading Diary right now, and its pretty fun to read. I really like Chuck Palahnuik. He's great. (: I realized that the song "London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines" by Panic At The Disco has references to Diary. I didn't know that. :D I'm learning alot from Chuck Palahnuik, whether its about drugs, words, or just life lessons. Diary has alot of anatomy and art involved in it, and its interesting to read. (:

-Music! I've been getting into a lot of new music lately, like A Fine Frenzy, and classical music such as Debussy. [Not because of Twilight, just because I heard Clair De Lune & fell in love with it :P] I'm getting really attracted to indie stuff, too. It sucks though that my sister doesn't like anything I like anymore, because she's the one that introduced to me sooo many bands/musicians. Like Panic At The Disco, The Beatles, The Ramones, Evanescence, Queen, Tegan and Sara, and so much more. But now the stuff I found on my own, she doesn't really like. xP Well whatever. People have their own opinions. (:

-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I had no idea it was a book until I saw it on Jannellynn's iPod. That's next on my reading list! :D It seems interesting. Its kinda along the same lines as the movie Jack, with Robin Williams. In Jack, the boy looks four times as older than he really is. By the time he was ten, he looked forty years old already. In Benjamin Button, he ages backwards. It opens up my mind, this kind of stuff. What if everyone had a unique way of aging? Either someone looked really old, or really young. No matter the difference, it wouldn't matter if EVERYBODY was like that, because EVERYONE would be used to it. But who knows? Maybe we're already too used to what we have around us. But still. Minds work crazily, y'know? (:

Gah, I'm becoming a HTML master. xD

Have you ever cried so hard that your throat started hurting and you started shaking?


I have.

Go away.

Let me just get one thing straight. I was reading this girl's blog, and she said that humans like to blame their flaws on disorders. This is true.
I'm probably not bipolar. I probably don't have an eating disorder. I'm probably just not happy with what I have.

But in case I am bipolar, just let me say. Be lucky that you don't cry just because you were embarrassed for 30 seconds maximum. Be lucky that you don't have feelings to hurt someone when they didn't do anything except try to find what their identity is. Be lucky that you fit into this generation.

I know I complain about this alot, but it really is true. I don't belong here. Whether its standing by all these unfamiliar people in the morning, or just keeping to myself around my friends.

Oh, Jem, what's wrong? You look down.
You look sad.
Are you okay?
Are you crying?!

If you really knew me by now... I'm not. Or maybe I'm a bad liar when I really am sad. Eh. I don't cry to get attention. I'm just... myself, surprisingly.

I don't like people. I bumped into a girl today in the hallway, because I wasn't paying attention. I realized it was entirely my fault, so I said "Oh, I'm so sorry." and tried to get out of her way. Apparently, people have really short tempers because she pretty much lost it after I was "out of hearing distance." People are weird, odd, and sometimes desperate. Some people get scared that they won't get what they want when they're older, so they try and get it now. What I realized, is that we have time. We're not gonna die in some freak accident, and the world isn't going to end in 2012. See, if people were just positive all the time, and didn't have to worry, and actually ENJOYED the things around them, maybe I'd be happy. Maybe I wouldn't be writing about this. Maybe, just maybe, I'd be up on my roof right now looking at the moon. But, its kinda cold outside and I don't wanna get sick.

People annoy me. I want to go away. By myself, for once. For once, I don't wanna bring anybody, no offense. I just... need to experience independence. I'm always having things done for me, whether I want it or not. And, that's led to a bad outcome. I'm used to having things done for me, so if something's not done, I can't do anything. I.E, homework in my bedroom. I can't do it unless my room is clean, then my homework just ends up being done later. Rawr.

I want my own apartment without the whole reality of it. Without having to pay bills, and insurance and all that other adult nonsense. Just to see what's its like to cook and clean for myself. It'll be good for me. & I can wear my TMNT shirt all day because its the most comfortable thing I have right now.

Now, I don't wanna brag, but I must make really good first impressions for all these people taking my passions and calling it their own.

Here's the thing. YOUANDYOURCOPYCATSELF should go away. YOUANDYOURFAKESELF should go away. YOUANDYOURWANNABELIKEME self should go away. YOUANDYOURDESPERATEACT self should go away. And I'll just stay with Seejay while you all go away.

I need to say this no matter what the result. Its not to be angry at you, its to be emotional, for me. [spanglish]

Go away.
Leave me alone.
Get some knowledge.
And get away from me.

P.S. Don't leave, RR. I need you home to keep me sane.♥

Keep me creative.

One day, I was texting Cjay, and he said that I should write fortunes for fortune cookie. The next couple of days, Alexis, Seejay, Mother and I were at iHop. I took the paper that holds the napkin&silverware and started to draw on it. I drew a green border, and a bald stick figure. I also drew a janky looking globe. The stick figure is smiling at the globe. And then on the side, I wrote "Enjoy the world." and on the back I wrote the date. Consider that my first fortune.
This one is the best one I've seen before, even though I haven't really seen it.

I know what you're thinking. YAY, AN UPDATE! At least that's what I'm thinking. This past school week was the first one back from winter break, and HOLY BE-JEEZUS I was busy. Studying for finals, and english report. That sucks salted prunes. xP

-Invisible Monsters. I finally bought it! Well, my mom did. I'm on chapter thirteen, and I love how this is written. Just like in the beginning, the main character warned that the book isn't written like every other book. Its always skipping to different parts, and that's what I like about it. Its always the current situation, or whatever thought she's reminiscing. I like this. I might read Chuck's other books too. Heck, I am going to. :D Everyone at school keeps stealing it though, and turning the book at different angles so they can see the illusion. xP I don't want it to get dirty D:, but oh well.

-Dreams. Lately I've been having "meaningful" dreams. I had one a couple days ago that I absolutely LOVED and I didn't want to wake up. Ever since then, I've had little short dreams that kinda relate to that topic. I think the future is definitely telling me something. o: Wishful thinking, right Mica? (: Anyway. Dreams have always been something big in mylife, because its something I always think about during the day. Even if I had nightmares. Once, I had a nightmare, and it was so bad, that if someone said "died" or "car crash" I started crying. Scary, right? Obviously, someone I cared for had died in a car crash. But no, Nate and Alexis didn't take it seriously. They laughed at me. Freaking them. xD

-Storytime! And now, for a story. Its not about me, but its kinda how I feel sometimes. Its also based on the songs "Lighthouse" and "Your Are The Moon" by The Hush Sound. Yes. Enjoy. (:

You are loved.
By me. :P

She was at a little coffee shop before it happened. It was a cloudy and dark day- her favorite. After finishing her decaf mocha latte, she stepped outside in her buttoned ebony trenchcoat, her scarf that had been handmade by her grandmother, and an inklike beret. She didn't have to walk far to where she was going. Just past the diner, through the cobblestone streets, stride a little farther down until her ankle boots hit the sand. Her faux shoes didn't even squish the earth, they just lightly made a print of her feet. She walked closer to the shore so she could hear the waves crash. A lighthouse stood in front of her. The red stripes swirled towards the bottom, and the yellow light that rotated at night was so attracting.

For an hour or two, she walked up and down the beach while she shivered in her clothes. Her breath was visible in the air, but this was a place where she could relax, and just think. The sky grew darker, from ashen to a very dark gray. She finally just sat down on a rock, and buried her hands in her face. Her head hurt terribly, but she didn't want to go home. That mediocre place. She wanted to stay here, where it was beautiful.

That's always what she wanted. Beauty. She wanted to be beautiful. She wanted to live in a beautiful place, and just give beautiful vibes. But she didn't want to be self-centered and judgmental. She just wanted to be the definition of beautiful. Not conceited. That's what was on her mind. She wanted to be beautiful and adored. It gave her this weird feeling of desire, and jealousy.

"Thinking thinking, always thinking." A voice said. It was a deep but angelic voice. It was a voice that was velutinous, and musical. The girl wasn't even startled; she felt as if there was nothing to be afraid of, after hearing this voice. She wasn't even sure if she really heard it.

She looked up behind her, and saw a man. He was well dressed. He had black slacks, and black shiny shoes. He wore a beige floral button-up with red amaryllises on it. He also wore a black necktie with a golden flowers placed randomly. His vest was a light brown, and made a V shape from the neck down to the buttons. His jacket was also a light brown, and it had a plaid pattern to it. He looked very spiffy, the girl thought to herself.

His hair was brown and wavy. It was shiny and silky. His face, and his complexion- so fair. He was childlike, and beyond pulchritudinous. The girl thought he was there as a joke. Here she was, contemplating about being exquisite, and here comes this man who looks attractive in the largest way she'd ever come to see. While gazing at him in awe, she noticed his eyes. His warm, honey-brown eyes. She got lost in them, as if there was nothing more to see except his pair of alluring eyes. He chuckled at the girl, and swiftly turned to stand in front of her.

She rose from her place, and she felt like her mouth was glued shut. She wanted to ask him questions. How did her know her, how did he get here. Where did he come from, and most of all: Why was he so divine.

He smiled at her. "Now, I understand that you want to be beautiful," he quietly says. "Like the ocean here. Like sunsets and sunrises." She nods nervously. He walks farther from her to stare at the water that's creeping up on the sand. He creases his brow and places his hands on his sides. "To be honest, I don't understand." He says after minutes of silence.

He walks back to her, and stares into her eyes. His face is expressionless.
He takes both of her hands. She thinks they're so warm and soft.
"You don't see what you posses, a beauty calm and clear." He whispers.

The girl was in shock, and she doesn't know how to react. No one has ever complimented her like this before. She didn't even think of herself this way, it was so new to her.

"I will bring a mirror, so silver and so exact. So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass. I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky, so that you can see your beauty every moment that you rise." He assured.

The girl bit her lip, and started to fret.
"I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean," she said in a voice quieter than a whisper.

"Dear, you are the moon. So brilliant, and gleaming. People see you and wonder why you're so divine." The man replied.

The girl started to feel clammy, and her hands grasped tighter on the man's. She didn't know what was going on, and how this had all happened. She wanted to believe the man, but she wasn't sure if you could. She felt happy though- overjoyed that someone could ever think of her like this. It was satisfying. It was flattering.

"And most importantly," the man murmured.

"You are loved."

The man kissed her cheek, gave her an incredulous smile, and walked away quickly. The girl was left just standing there, her face turning pink, and just had the image of the man stuck in her head. She wanted to chase after him and talk with him. She wanted to run and get him until her energy was drained, but her legs could not carry her. She was caught in the moment.

The only noise was the water sliding up and down. A few crowing of birds now and again. The sky going from dark gray to black. Time passed, and she didn't even know it.

You are loved.
The words from his lustrous voice echoed in her head.

The only thing that was certain about this day, was that she loved him. She knew that he thought positively of her, and no one had ever behaved like that around her.

She realized that she needed to find him as soon as possible. The only question she wanted to ask now was "Am I loved by you?" Of course, she thought. He held my hand and kissed my cheek. There wasn't much else to it. But she wanted to be sure. She wanted to be sure this man loved her as she did him.

This was an unforgettable moment for her, so delicate and valuable in her mind. So she ran home as fast as she could, and wrote all about it. Wrote about how she had no idea she was gonna meet the man she loved, and then met him a short while later. She wrote about how a thing like love grew in such little time. She wrote in detail, and described every feeling that ran through her blood and veins. She wrote exactly what he said, verbatim. And she decided for the rest of her life that she would find this man again. All because of his actions and words put together.
And more importantly, she knew...

She was loved.